Girl House (2014) Content Warning: Extreme Violence, Gore, Sexual Scenes, Bad Language

Girl House (2014)

Directed by Trevor Matthews, Jon Knautz

Starring Ali Cobrin, Adam DiMarco, Slaine, Alyson Bath

A HALLOWEEN-style slasher for the digital age, it follows a beautiful young college student who, needing money for tuition, moves into a house that streams content to an X-rated website. ...

IMDb Rating: 5.5


Girl House – No False Advertising Here

After recently giving breast-fest horror movie, Muck, a bit of a trashing for it’s relentless flesh-peddling, I decided to watch this clearly classy little flick.

Yep, as you might expect, there are copious boobs and butts on display. What can you expect from a slasher film based around a house of webcam performers? The plotline is pretty straightforward. Kylie Atkins (Ali Cobrin) needs cash to fund her college education, so takes up an offer to work in the Girl House. She jiggles her bits for lonely/horny men, and apparently stands to make a substantial amount from doing so. The Girl House is filled with cameras in almost every room, and the girls are free to perform when they want, and with who they want. Simple.

Kylie has many of her fears about security from creepy loons allayed by Gary Preston (James Thomas), the owner of this fine establishment. He tells her that they’re using cutting edge security technology to mask the location of the Girl House. Obviously, having given his speech about just how secure the Girl House is, you kinda know shit will go south, quickly.

Girl House
If John Hammond did webcam shows, he’d spare no expense either.

Kylie is a little nervous about becoming a webcam performer but soon settles into her role. She gives a striptease on her first night in the Girl House, which apparently is very well received by the connoisseurs of female nudity that tune in to watch. Indeed, we’re shown that across the world people lose their collective shit over her. It didn’t even matter that she was slow to show what they wanted.

Girl House Kylie Atkins Ali Cobrin
And this is as much as viewers of the film get to see of Kylie! Ha!

Her Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Chatroom

Kylie attracts the attention of two people in particular. Firstly, Ben Stanley (Adam DiMarco), an old high school peer who has been crushing on Kylie for years. Secondly, screename-Loverboy (Slaine), a socially-inept loner who hasn’t had the best experiences with girls. Of course, both want to get to know Kylie better. Ben is encouraged by his dorm-mate to drive seventy miles to “accidentally” bump into Kylie and try and spark up a relationship – because that’s not weird – while Loverboy begins frantically cyber-stalking Kylie. He crudely pastes her face onto photographs with him, harasses the other girls about Kylie’s whereabouts and acts like the world’s largest creepy loner stereotype.

Girl House Slaine Loverboy
Admit it. When you think about creepy loners watching webcam shows, this is what you picture.

Loverboy is apparently a computer whizz (because all creepy loners are). This is most obvious when he seems to be battering networking equipment with a crowbar. That’ll work. He fantasises both about being with Kylie and violently attacking women who upset or embarrass him. Like all good psycho-stereotypes, he talks to a creepy looking female mannequin and suffers from a severe phobia of women.

Meanwhile, Ben’s fiendish scheme appears to be working! Within a matter of a couple of dates, he and Kylie seem to have something special going on! Discussions are had about her career, whether she wants to spend the night and even plans to meet his roommate!

Girl House Adam DiMarco Ben Stanley
Because finding the girl you’ve been obsessed with performing on a cam-site, then “accidentally” bumping into her and trying to move forward with a relationship at the speed of light isn’t at all creepy when you look like this!

Be Nice, Dammit!

Obviously, as was bound to happen, Loverboy becomes upset when he feels that Kylie and her fellow cam-girls are mocking him. So in true giallo/slasher-style, he dons a suitably freaky female mask, uses his leet-computer skills to discover the location of the Girl House and takes his revenge against these women! Because they’re not nice.

Girl House Alyson Bath
He’s behind you!

What follows is some pretty brutal slasher-film fare. There’s broken necks, severed fingers, mangled faces and many blunt-force trauma injuries. The Girl House quickly turns into a snuff movie, reminiscent of 2002’s My Little Eye. Loverboy systematically begins picking off the girls in the house while horrified patrons watch on, including Ben’s dorm-mate – who also happens to be a leet-computer hacker guy. I don’t know why computer professionals are paid so much, they’re fucking everywhere! At least when the plot requires it…

Girl House Wesley MacInnes
Yo! I got mad computer skillz!

You can complain about predictability, and you can complain about not killing the antagonist when you have the chance. There’s all these little typical plot-devices that exist to prolong the horror at the expense of rationalism. And there’s the marriage-of-convenience in the knowledge department serving as a bit of a deus ex. Yet, Girl House isn’t really that bad. From the off, it’s brutal. Loverboy is irritatingly sympathetic at times because we’re given just enough backstory to understand his motivations, although most certainly not condone his actions. Girl House is not a gorefest, but there’s some truly nasty looking special effects that seem realistic enough to be truly stomach-churning and not absurd.

Girl House Devon Alyson Bath
It’s alright. Bit of a makeup will fix that right up!

Conclusion

I tend to go into movies like this with low expectations. In my experience, most horror movies based around such themes are trash. This one was good enough for me to be surprisingly impressed. The pacing is mostly great and I was never once bored. It could have perhaps done with a little more story, as certain characters are shunted in to simply serve as a plot-driver or quick kill. Most of the cast perform reasonably well. The only real problems I have with this movie are story-based, and the way that Kylie and Ben’s relationship is handled. The whole purpose of these two being together appears to be to add a little extra drama towards the end, which I don’t think Girl House benefited from.

On the whole though, yeah, I quite liked it. And now I feel dirty for saying that. Time for a shower. Alone. Without cameras.

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