I’ve mentioned it before, but just to clarify, I’m bisexual. Although in my offline life, I am only out to a small, select number of people, I have still encountered some daft thoughts and theories about bisexuality. So for this post, I thought I’d examine a few.
Bisexuality Doesn’t Exist – You’re Just Gay
This little nugget. Surprisingly, this one finds support within the LGBT community itself. Boy George and Julie Bindel are two proponents of the myth that bisexuality doesn’t exist. Anyone who claims to be bi is clearly just afraid to admit that they’re gay.
Yeah, no. I will freely admit that on the Kinsey scale, I am closer to gay than I am to straight. My list of current female crushes exceeds my list of males. However, I still find some men attractive. Watching Battlestar Galactica, for example, I had just as much of an attraction to James Callis as I did to Tricia Helfer or Lucy Lawless. Well, I tell a lie. If forced to choose, I would go for Lucy. Because Xena, you know?
I have had long-term relationships with men. I have fallen in love with men. Now, I have a girlfriend, who I love deeply.
Bisexual Women Only Do It To Turn Men On
Branching off the previous point is this little gem. Yes, I engage in same-sex behaviour with my girlfriend to arouse a man who isn’t even in the room. That makes lots of sense! It’s like suggesting I only soap myself up in the shower to titillate someone in New Jersey.
Such nonsense also coincides with the idea that bisexuals, especially bisexual women, are having a bit of no-strings fun before settling down with the opposite sex.
What they really mean is that women are likely to engage in some same-sex flirtation and risque behaviour to tantalise men in a nightclub and call themselves bisexual. It harks back to the idea of the woman telling a bloke in a bar that she’s bi, to get the single-eyebrow raising “Oh, yeah?” response as he plans that threesome he’s always wanted.
It’s a ridiculous notion. Some women might do that, but some women also like to store their crack pipe in their actual crack. We’re not all like that.
Bisexuals Cannot Be Faithful
This is another one that crops up surprisingly often in the LGBT community, but also from straight people. What they’re actually saying is that bisexuals are genital-hopping sex addicts. There seems an innate fear that one sex simply cannot satisfy us. If we’re in a relationship with a woman, we’re bound to cheat on them with a man because of the magical powers of the phallus.
It’s nonsense, of course. I’ve never cheated on anyone. I’ve been cheated on, but I’ve never had the inclination to do it myself. It’s something about not wanting to cause hurt to people I care about. In fact, while I have a very high sex drive – something that Lovehoney has profited from over the years – I am not the type to just jump into bed with someone.
Bisexuals Will Be Up For a Threesome!
Some of them will be! Not all. Doubtfully even most. I know pornography and television have fostered the belief that sex-addicted bisexuals are so insatiable that a ménage à trois is something they would happily dabble in. Hate to shatter your dreams, but you may be disappointed.
Shockingly, some straight men wouldn’t actually be up for a threesome with two women. I know that sounds like an affront to all of masculinity, but it’s the truth. Whether someone is willing to engage in a threesome or not has very little to do with bisexuality. Some women who engage in them would identify as straight. Some straight men would think nothing of participating in group sex.
The idea that a bisexual will be easier to convince to partake in a threesome is merely stripping someone of their individuality for the purposes of sexual fantasy.
Bisexuals Fancy Everyone!
Yes, when I came out to a friend I was actually asked why I didn’t fancy her. It doesn’t even stand to reason that a bisexual will be attracted to more people than a mono-sexual individual. Having two sexes to “choose” from doesn’t always increase the numbers of attraction. We all have our types and preferences. Even those universally acclaimed as “hot” won’t necessarily float our boat. For instance, I have never been attracted to Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian, that builder bloke from Corrie or Brad Pitt.
We’re All Immoral and Evil!
Outside of some religious beliefs, this one likely exists because of television and film. Bisexuals are popularly depicted as the bad guys in fiction. It’s sad really, but so many writers seem to believe that when hunting for the characteristics of a ne’er-do-well, sexual deviancy is a clear indicator. And what’s the most deviant thing they can think of? People who’ll shag anyone!
Ugh. Making your antagonist bisexual is up there with putting glasses on an attractive person to hint they’re not supposed to be hot. While I’m sure some bisexuals are both evil and immoral, the majority are not. This one seems to speak more to society’s generally repressed attitudes to sex. The evil television bisexual is almost always promiscuous or uses sex as a power play.
I think there are bigger signs of moral turpitude that we could use.
Bisexuals Are Half-Gay, So They Have Half the Oppression
The reasoning behind this utter failure of something resembling logic is that bisexuals have the choice to date the opposite sex. Therefore, it’s easier for them. They don’t experience the oppression of gay people.
Where to begin? Firstly, the idea that we should date the opposite sex exclusively to avoid oppression is oppressive in itself. Secondly, statistics have shown the bisexuals actually experience a lot of additional prejudice. Julie Bindel, for example, seems to believe that if bisexual women care about sexual politics, they should stop sleeping with men. According to a study by the CDC, bisexual women are the single biggest target of domestic violence in the United States. It doesn’t seem a leap to suggest that those statistics would repeat across the Western world.
As mentioned above, we’re often seen to be predisposed to infidelity. Insecure intimate partners are much more likely to grow paranoid, and potentially violent, about any social relationship we engage in.
And, if certain people ever work out who Kath Rella actually is, I doubt the bullshit defence of “I’m only half gay” would result in half the punishment.
Every Bisexual Is the Same
This isn’t actually something you hear, but it’s the sum total of the above. For every one of these points, there is likely someone who identifies as bisexual that does fit one of them. There will be promiscuous bisexuals. Adulterous bisexuals exist. Some are likely genital hopping sex addicts and a few will up for that fabled threesome.
You know what? There’s also promiscuous mono-sexuals. Adulterous mono-sexuals exist. Some are sex addicts and a few will up for that threesome, regardless of identifying as a mono-sexual.
We’re all individuals and do not belong to a collective or hive mind. Sorry about that.